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The One With The Truth About London
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel is filing her nails as Ross and Ben enter.]
Ross: Hi.
Rachel: Hi! Hi Ben!
Ben: Hi.
Ross: Hi, we have a little bathroom emergency.
Rachel: Oh, yeah go ahead.
(Ben starts to go, but Ross stops him.)
Ross: Uh, before we do uh, are any of Joey’s special romance magazines in there?
Rachel: No. No.
Ross: (to Ben) Okay! All clear!
Ben: (running to the bathroom) Thanks Phoebe!
Rachel: Ben, its Rachel! (He closes the door.) But whatever.
Ross: (to Ben) Everything okay in there?
Ben: Don’t talk to me now!
Rachel: Awww, just like his daddy.
Ross: Hey listen can you do me a big favor? The dean’s office just called and said there was an urgent meeting. Can you watch Ben for like an hour?
Rachel: What-what about Monica?
Ross: Oh, she isn’t home.
Rachel: (nervous) So it would just be, me alone?
Ross: Well, Ben would be there.
Rachel: Huh umm…
Ross: What’s the matter?
Rachel: Well that—y’know it’s just uh, I’ve never done that before. Me and him alone.
Ross: Rach, he’s not an ex-con.
Rachel: Okay. Okay. Okay. Uh, what do I, what do I do with him?
Ross: I don’t know! Just-just talk to him-entertain him and keep him alive.
Rachel: Okay.
Ross: Okay. (Ben enters) Ben? Come here. All right, I’m gonna leave you here with Aunt Rachel for about an hour. Okay? Are you gonna be okay?
Rachel: Yeah I think so.
Ross: (To Rachel) I wasn’t talking to you.
Ben: I’ll be okay.
Ross: Okay, I’ll see you soon buddy. (He hugs and kisses him.) Be back in an hour.
Ben: Bye dad.
Rachel: Bye. (Ross exits.) Ahhh… (Silence) So this is fun, huh?
Ben: Not really.
Rachel: Okay. Uh, want something-want something to drink?
Ben: Okay.
Rachel: Uh great! How do you feel about Diet Coke?
Ben: I’m not allowed to have soda.
Rachel: Okay. Well that’s pretty much all that we have—Oh! Oh! Have you ever had a virgin margarita? (Holds up a bottle of margarita mix.)
Ben: What’s a virgin?
Rachel: Water it is.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Chandler are talking. Joey and Phoebe are getting coffee.]
Monica: What about the second minister we meet with? I kinda liked him.
Chandler: You mean the spitter?
Monica: Come on! It wasn’t that bad!
Chandler: Easy for you to say; you’ll be wearing a veil.
Monica: All right, what about the third guy?
Chandler: You mean the guy who kept staring at your chest?
Monica: Can you blame him?
Chandler: Sorry, I just don’t like the idea of when I say, "I do," he’s thinking, "Yeah, I’d do her too!"
Monica: Well then we still have a problem.
Chandler: Yeah!
Phoebe: (returning with Joey) With what?
Monica: Well, we’re trying to find someone to perfomp3 our wedding and they’re all either boring or annoying or y’know, can’t stop staring at the ladies. (Points to her chest.)
(Joey nods his approval.)
Phoebe: Oo! You should have one of us do it!
Monica: Phoebe, we’re getting married, married; not sixth grade married.
Phoebe: No! No! It’s-it’s uh a real thing! Anyone can get ordained on the Internet and perfomp3 like weddings and stuff!
Monica: Are you serious?
Phoebe: Yes! A friend of mine did it and it’s totally legal!
Joey: I call it!!
Phoebe: What?! No! It was my idea!
Chandler: Guys thank you very much but neither of you is marrying us.
Joey: Does calling it not mean anything anymore?!
Chandler: We are going to have a legitimate member of the clergy! And when I say legitimate I mean, gay and in control of his saliva!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Rachel and Ben are sitting on the couch bored out of their minds.]
Rachel: Ben y’know when uh, when you were a baby, you and I used to hang out all the time. ‘Cause I was, I was your daddy’s girlfriend.
Ben: But you’re not anymore!
Rachel: No, I’m not.
Ben: ‘Cause you guys were on a break.
Rachel: Hey! We were not on a—Okay. That’s fine! Fine. Y’know what Ben? One day when you are a lot older I am going to tell you that entire story over a pitcher of real margaritas, okay?
Ben: When’s my daddy coming back?
Rachel: (checks her watch) Fifty-two minutes