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The One With Rachel's Big Kiss
[Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Monica, and Rachel are sitting on the couch and Ross is sitting on the chair, and they’re all talking.]
Rachel: Hey! Out of all of us, who do you think is gonna get married next?
Joey: Probably Monica and Chandler.
(A woman walks up to Gunther in the background.)
Woman: (to Gunther) Hi. Could I have a pack of Newport Lights, please?
Gunther: Oh umm, uh we don’t sell cigarettes, but they have them at the newsstand across the street. (Points.)
Woman: That’d be great, thanks. (Gunther goes and gets them.)
Rachel: (to the gang) Oh my God, Melissa Warburton. I don’t think I have the energy for this.
Melissa: (Gasps when she notices Rachel) Oh my God! Ray-ray Green?! (Screams)
Rachel: (screaming) Melissa!
Melissa: You have been M.I.A for the past seven sorority newsletters, what’s up with you?!
Rachel: Wh—(Turns and looks at the gang who’s staring)—Why don’t I tell you over here? (She walks Melissa away from the gang.)
Melissa: So last I heard you were gonna get married. (Grabs Rachel’s hand and notices that she doesn’t have a ring on it.) (Sadly) Oh poor Ray-ray.
Rachel: Oh no-no, no! It’s good! It’s all good! I-I actually work at Ralph Lauren!
Melissa: Shut up!
Rachel: I will not! I’m the divisional head of men’s sportswear!
Melissa: Oh shut up more! Now, are you friends with Ralph?
Rachel: Oh please…
Melissa: (excitedly) Are you?!
Rachel: No.
Melissa: Listen, we-we have to have dinner. What-what are you doing tomorrow night?
Rachel: Oh tomorrow, oh I don’t know. Um…
Melissa: You do now. You’re having dinner with me.
Rachel: Shut up.
Melissa: I-I’ve got to go. This has been so great Ray-ray! (Gunther returns with her cigarettes.) Oh, there you are. (Takes them from Gunther.) (To Rachel) Umm, so listen, just call me. Here’s my card. (Hands the card over.)
Rachel: Oh, wow thanks! (Reading the card) Oh you’re in real estate!
Melissa: Oh no, that’s-that’s an old card. Umm, I wanted to get out of that and-and do something where I can really help people and-and make a difference.
Rachel: Wow! What do you do now?
Melissa: (quietly) I’m a party planner. I’ll see you tomorrow. (Exits.)
Rachel: Okay! (Joins the rest of the gang.)
Joey: Hey guys! Look who’s back! It’s Ray-ray!
Rachel: Shut up that was my friend Melissa from college.
Ross: She seems really, really fun!
Rachel: She’s actually very sweet and we used to be very close.
Monica: Wait a minute, she isn’t… She’s not the one who you…
Joey: (excitedly) Who you what? Who you what?!
Rachel: (To Monica) Yes.
Monica: Wow!
Joey: (excitedly) Wow? Wow what?! Wow what?! Who you—what?!!
Rachel: It’s not a big deal!
Monica: (To Joey) They were lovers.
Ross: What?!
Joey: What?!
Rachel: No we weren’t! It was nothing! It was one night, senior year we went to a party, had a lot of sangria and y’know, ended up…kissing for a bit.
Ross: So that’s two of my wives.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, Monica is working on the seating chart while Chandler looks on and Rachel reads.]
Monica: (telling Chandler the seating arrangement) Okay so this is where the band is. (Points.) And this is where the bar is. (Points) And all these pins have people’s names on them. (She has pins to show the seating at each of the tables.) And Rach, here you are. (Points to Rachel’s place.)
Rachel: Oh wow. Why don’t we just take me (Grabs her pin) and put me with a Manhattan in my hand, talking to the cute bartender. (Puts her pin at the bar and laughs. Monica just glares at her.) These pins aren’t for playing are they?
Monica: (To Chandler) Okay, the red ones are my guests and the blue ones are yours.
Chandler: This is so sad. I mean, I only have like ten pins.
Monica: Chandler, relax it’s not a contest. (To Rachel) Certainly not a close one.
Joey: (entering) Hello!
Rachel: Hey!
Joey: Hey Rach. (Stares at her.)
Rachel: Stop picturing it!!
Monica: Okay, I think that’s it. The seating chart is done. This is our wedding. They all look like they’re having fun don’t they?
Joey: Hey, so where are my parents gonna be?
Monica: Oh! (Gets up) Let’s see, well…if this is the wedding hall then umm (Wal