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The One With Chandler and Monica’s Wedding
[Scene: Central Perk, everyone is there.]
Monica: Do you realize this is probably the last time we’ll all be here in the coffee house as six single people?
Phoebe: Why?! What’s happening to the coffee house?! (Monica looks at her.) Oh! (Realizes.)
Chandler: Yep! From now on its gonna be the four of you guys and me and the misses. The little woman. The wife. The old ball and chain.
Monica: Old?
Chandler: The young hot ball and chain.
Monica: That’s much better.
Rachel: (checking her watch) Op! We gotta go! (The girls stand up.)
Ross: Oh, where are you guys going?
Monica: We’re gonna pick up the wedding dress then we’re gonna have lunch with mom. (Joey stands up.)
Ross: Ah. Joey you’re-you’re having lunch with my mom?
Joey: No, I-I just heard lunch. But yeah, I can go. Sure! (They all exit.)
Ross: (To Chandler) Y’know what? Actually I’m kinda glad they’re leaving ‘cause uh, I need to talk to you about something.
Chandler: What’s up?
Ross: Well this uh, this may be a little awkward.
Chandler: Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. I’m buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.
Ross: No, its…Its not that. Umm, now what I’m going to say to you, I’m not saying as your friend. Okay? I’m-I’m saying as it as Monica’s older brother.
Chandler: But you’re still my friend?
Ross: Not for the next few minutes.
Chandler: During this time…are you, are you still my best man?
Ross: Nope.
Chandler: Do I still call you Ross?
Ross: Okay! You guys are getting married tomorrow and-and I couldn’t be more thrilled for both of you, but as Monica’s older brother I-I have to tell you this. If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down, and kick your ass! (Chandler laughs.) What? I’m-I’m-I’m serious! (Chandler laughs harder.) Come—Hey! Dude! Stop it! Okay? I’m-I’m not kidding here!
Chandler: (smiling) Hey, I hear what your saying, okay? And, thanks for the warning.
Ross: No problem.
Chandler: So are we…friends again?
Ross: Yeah.
Chandler: Okay. (Pause) You won’t believe what Monica’s older brother just said to me!
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's, the girls are having breakfast.]
Rachel: What ‘cha doing Mon?
Monica: I’m making a list of all the things that are most likely to go wrong at the wedding. Now, that way I can be prepared.
Phoebe: What are they?
Monica: Well, so far I have uh, my bride’s maids dresses won’t get picked up, my veil gets lost, or I don’t have my something blue.
Rachel: Hey! Those are all the things I’m responsible for!
Monica: I had to go with the odds Rach.
Joey: (entering) Hey! You guys! Remember that audition I had a while ago and didn’t get the part?
Rachel: The commercial?
Joey: No!
Phoebe: That play?
Joey: No!
Monica: That other play?
Joey: Nooo!
Phoebe: The movie?
Joey: Yes!!
Phoebe: Ohh!
Joey: Yes that’s the one about the soldiers who fight in World War I!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah! Back then y’know, we called the Great War. It really was!
Joey: Well anyway, the guy they wanted backed out and now they want me! I start shooting today!
Phoebe: Congratulations!
Rachel: Oh that’s great!
Monica: Wait! Wait! Wait! You can’t start today! Today’s the rehearsal dinner!
Joey: Oh no, I’ll be done by then.
Monica: Oh. Well then way to go you big movie star!
Joey: I know! All right, I’ll see you guys over there! I’m off to fight the Nazis.
Rachel: Oh, wait Joey! We fought the Nazis in World War II, not World War I.
Joey: Whoa! Okay. Yeah well, who-who was in World War I? (Rachel pauses as she thinks.)
Phoebe: Go ahead.
Rachel: You’re gonna be late! Go! Go! (He runs out.)
Monica: Who did we fight in World War I?
Rachel: Mexico?
Phoebe: Yes! Very good.
[Scene: Pier 59 Studios, Joey is in costume and standing at the craft services table. He checks his pockets and finds some prop coins in a pouch, which he replaces with some cookies.]
The Assistant Director: (approaching) Hey Joey! We’re ready.
Joey: Yeah! Me too. (He pats his pocket.)
The Assistant Director: (to another actor) Richard? We’re