ARAB VISITOR: Bonjour. Je voudrais...

EMBASSY
RECEPTIONIST: I don't understand.

RECEPTIONIST: Do you speak English?

ARAB: Non.

RECEPTIONIST: I'm very sorry.

FRENCHMAN: Do you speak French?

RECEPTIONIST: No, I don't speak French. Do you speak English?

FRENCHMAN: You work in Paris and you don't understand French?

RECEPTIONIST: That's right.

FRENCHMAN: Well, I want information...

RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry, this is the Visa Department.The Information Department is upstairs on the first floor.

FRENCHMAN: Thank you very much, Monsieur!

HARRY: Good afternoon. My name is Harry Carter.I'm a detective.

HARRY: I have an appointment with the Consul. It's very important.

RECEPTIONIST: Do you want a visa for Great Britain?

HARRY: A visa? No, I don't want a visa. I'm British! I work at Scotland Yard! Look, I have an appointment. Where's the Consul?

RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry, you're in the wrong department. This is the Visa Department.

HARRY: Oh! Where's the Consul's Office?

RECEPTIONIST: It's upstairs on the third floor. Good afternoon!

CONSUL: Come in!

CONSUL: Do have a seat Mr... er... I'm sorry, I don't know Your name.

HARRY: Carter. Harry Carter. I'm a detective at Scotland Yard.

CONSUL: Splendid! Er... what's the time, Mr Carter?

HARRY: It's four fifteen.

CONSUL: Is it? That's splendid! It's time for tea. Have a cup of tea, Mr Carter?

HARRY: No, thank you.

HARRY: I have very important information.

CONSUL: Wait a moment, Mr Carter.

CONSUL: Now, what's your problem, Mr Carter?

HARRY: It isn't a problem! I have information for you. Very important information.

CONSUL: Splendid, splendid! But you're in the wrong department.

HARRY: What???!!!

CONSUL: The Information Department is downstairs on the first floor. I'm sorry, Mr Carter. Good afternoon.

HARRY: Oh, damn!

BRITISH
AMBASSADOR: Come in!

AMBASSADOR: Who are you?

HARRY: My name's Harry Carter. I'm a detective.

AMBASSADOR: What do you want?

HARRY: I have very important information.

HARRY: Look! This woman is Russian.

HARRY: Her name is Ekaterina Markova, and she works for the Russian Embassy in Paris. And this man is a detective.

HARRY: He works in Moscow, and he's the woman's husband. Now, they have...

AMBASSADOR: Listen to me, Carter.

HARRY: Yes?

AMBASSADOR: You're a detective, aren't you?

HARRY: That's right.

AMBASSADOR: This is not your business.

AMBASSADOR: You're a detective, not an agent, so this is not your business. Do you understand?

HARRY: Yes, but I...

AMBASSADOR: Don't come back here, Carter, and don't speak to that Russian woman!

HARRY: I... I... I...

AMBASSADOR: Or her husband. Do you understand?

AMBASSADOR: Good afternoon, Mr Carter. Good afternoon, Mr Carter!

HARRY: Good afternoon!