ALAN: Great! It’s time for lunch.
DEBORAH:‘The Panda Garden’.
ALAN: This’ll do. Let’s take a quick look at the menu.
DEBORAH:But it’s a Chinese restaurant.
ALAN: I know it’s a Chinese restaurant. I like Chinese food.
DEBORAH:Yeah, but we’re looking for something typically British, aren’t we?
ALAN: Does it matter?
DEBORAH:Come on honey, I want to find a real piece of old England!
ALAN: Alright.
ALAN: How about that one?
DEBORAH:No, it’s not a real restaurant, just a snack place. Anyway, it’s Turkish.
ALAN: I’ll eat Turkish.
ALAN: This is a real restaurant.
DEBORAH:Yeah, an Indian restaurant.
ALAN: So what’s the problem? Indian food: that’ll be something new. I don’t know what it’s like.
DEBORAH:Indian food is very hot. I don’t like it. Anyway, we’re looking for a British restaurant, don’t you remember?
ALAN: Look, Deborah, we’re in Britain. This restaurant’s in Britain. So it’s a British restaurant, right?
DEBORAH:Sure, honey. Come on!
ALAN: Hey, look at this! An Italian restaurant! Now, I love Italian food. I’ll just take a look at the menu. See how much it is. Lunch, with starter, main course, sweet and a glass of
wine: £18.50. How much is that in real money?
DEBORAH:About $30.
ALAN: Geez, that’s a lot! Anyway, we’re here. I’m hungry. Let’s go in.
DEBORAH:No, honey. It’s the first day of our honeymoon, Alan, it’s really special. Let’s try and find what we’re looking for.
ALAN: OK, just one more place. Just one more, that’s all.
DEBORAH:Alan honey, there’s another restaurant over the road! Let’s take a look!
DEBORAH:‘The Pailin’.
ALAN: I know, don’t tell me, it’s not British. It’s Thai - I can see that.
DEBORAH:So, it’s no good.
ALAN: I don’t think we have any choice, honey.
DEBORAH:This is my first day in Britain, Alan, and I am not eating foreign food.
ALAN: So what do we do? We go looking for a British restaurant, and what do we find? Chinese, Turkish, Indian, Italian, Thai. The British don’t eat British food, so how the hell can we?
DEBORAH:Honey, I am going crazy!
ALAN: That’s true.
DEBORAH:No, I mean, I know where to find British food! In a pub.
ALAN: You mean a bar?
DEBORAH:Yeah, that’s it! The bars here all serve food, and they’re really cute, and historic, and so typically British!
ALAN: Don’t tell me: the food is six hundred years old too.
DEBORAH:Come on, honey! I know just where to go.
DEBORAH:Now look at this! Cute and historic, or what?
ALAN: Do they serve food?
DEBORAH:Yeah, of course they do.
ALAN: Right, then let’s go in.
DEBORAH:You stay here and take another photo, honey. I’ll go in and ask what they have.
DEBORAH:That’s a shame!
ALAN: Don’t tell me, they only serve Mexican food.
DEBORAH:No, they don’t serve lunch after two o’clock.
ALAN: What? Anyway, what’s the time now?
DEBORAH:It’s two fifteen, British time.
ALAN: Two fifteen? You mean you can’t get lunch after two p.m? That is just crazy! Geez, what a country!
DEBORAH:It’s alright honey. We’ll just find another pub, that’s all.
DEBORAH:This one is real cute, too.
ALAN: And they have food. I’ll go in and ask. No, no lunch after two p.m. Geez! I am so damn hungry, you just don’t know!
DEBORAH:I know another pub, honey: a real friendly little place. I’m sure they serve food at all times there. It’s just a little walk away, that’s all.
ALAN: How far?
DEBORAH:Oh, a quarter of an hour or so.
ALAN: Are we there yet?
DEBORAH:Yeah, this is it.
ALAN: Right, let’s go for it. So what’s the problem?
DEBORAH:The door’s shut.
ALAN: Well, try the other door.
DEBORAH:No, the pub is shut! Oh, I know! Of course! I remember now!
ALAN: What is it?
DEBORAH:In England the pubs all shut at 3 p.m.
ALAN: What?
DEBORAH:And that’s why they don’t serve lunch after two! Do you understand now?
ALAN: I understand that I'm not getting any lunch today. I understand that this is a crazy country.
DEBORAH:Come on, honey. The shops are still open. You can get an apple and a banana.
ALAN: Great!
DEBORAH:Take it easy, honey! You’re on vacation, remember?
