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[00:00.00]喜欢hxen.com，就把hxen.com复制到QQ个人资料中！Stop Spoiling Your Children
[00:04.28]While traveling for various speaking appointments,
[00:09.76]I frequently stay overnight in the home of a family
[00:15.52]and am assigned to one of the children's bedrooms.
[00:20.99]In it,I often find so many toys that there's almost no room
[00:27.54]— even for my small lavatory or toilet kit.
[00:33.41]And the closet is usually so tightly packed with clothes
[00:39.67]that I can barely squeeze in my jacket.
[00:44.64]I'm not complaining, only making a point.
[00:49.57]I think the tendency to give children too many toys and clothes
[00:56.23]is quite common in American families.
[01:01.20]I think in far too many families
[01:05.95]not only do children come to take their parents' generosity for granted,
[01:13.08]but also the effects of this can actually be somewhat harmful to children.
[01:20.71]Why do parents give their children too much,
[01:25.97]or give them things they can't afford?
[01:30.32]I believe there are several reasons.
[01:34.97]One fairly common reason is that parents spoil their children out of a sense of guilt
[01:42.74]Parents who both hold down full-time jobs
[01:48.22]may feel guilty about the amount of time they spend away from their children
[01:55.27]and as accommodation for being away so much,
[02:00.92]may attempt to compensate by showering them with material possessions.
[02:08.30]Other parents provide too much
[02:12.55]because they want their children to have everything they had while growing up,
[02:19.50]along with those things they pined for but didn't get.
[02:25.94]Still others are afraid to say no to their children's endless requests for toys
[02:34.58]for fear that their children will infer they are unloved will be made fun of
[02:42.25]if they don't obtain the same toys their friends have.
[02:48.41]Spoiling a child also happens
[02:53.34]when parents are unable to stand up to their children's unreasonable demands.
[03:00.79]Such parents fluctuate between saying no and giving in
[03:06.95]— but neither response seems satisfactory to them.
[03:12.42]If they refuse a request,
[03:16.27]they immediately feel a wave of regret for having been so strict or ungenerous.
[03:24.62]If they give in,they feel regret and resentment over having been too easy.
[03:32.69]This kind of variability not only loosens the parents' ability to set limits,
[03:40.68]it also sours the parent-child relationship to some degree,
[03:47.84]robbing parents and their children of some of the happiness
[03:54.40]and mutual respect that is present in healthy families.
[04:00.34]But spoiling children with material things does little to reduce parental guilt
[04:09.01](since parents never feel they've given enough),
[04:14.27]nor does it make children feel more loved
[04:19.81](for what children really desire is parents' time and attention).
[04:27.19]Instead,the effects of providing too much can be harmful.
[04:33.64]Children may,to some degree,become greedy,selfish,
[04:39.79]ungrateful and insensitive to the needs and feelings of others,
[04:46.78]beginning with their parents.
[04:50.63]When children are given too much,
[04:54.88]it undermines their respect for their parents.
[05:00.42]In fact,the children begin to sense
[05:06.18]that a parent's unlimited generosity is not right.
[05:12.23]The contradiction as a result may be that these children,conversely,
[05:20.22]will push further,unconsciously hoping that,if they push too hard,
[05:27.89]they will force their parents into setting limitations.
[05:34.33]Also,spoiled children are not as challenged to be more creative in their play
[05:42.61]as children with fewer toys.
[05:46.86]They have fewer opportunities to learn the value of money,
[05:52.51]and have less experience in learning to deal with delay in satisfaction,
[06:00.40]when every requested object is given on demand.
[06:06.77]The real purpose of this discussion is not to tell parents
[06:13.21]how much or how little to give to their children.
[06:19.08]Rather,my intention is to help those parents who have already sensed
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