21 Letter from an Unknown Woman

21 一个陌生女人的来信

    You took me in your arms. Again I stayed with you for the whole of one glorious night. But even then you did not recognise me. While I thrilled to your caresses, it was plain to me that your passion knew no difference between a loving mistress and a meretrix, that your spendthrift affections were wholly concentrated in their own expression. To me，the stranger picked up at a dancing一hall, you were at once affectionate and courteous. You would not treat me lightly, and yet you were full of an enthralling ardour. Dizry with the old happiness, I was again aware of the two-sidedness of your nature, of that strange mingling of intellectual passion with sensual, which had already enslaved me to you in my childhood. In no other man have I ever known such complete surrender to the sweetness of the moment. No other has for the time being given himself so utterly as did you who, when the hour was past, were to relapse into an interminable and almost inhuman forgetfulness. But I，too, forgot myself. Who was I，lying in the darkness beside you? Was I the impassioned child of former days, was I the mother of your son; was I a stranger? Everything in this wonderful night was at one and the same time entrancingly familiar and entrancingly new. I prayed that the joy might last forever.

    你把我搂在怀里。我又在你那儿过了一个销魂之夜。可是在我赤身露体的时候，你仍没认出我来。我幸福地接受你那娴熟的温情和爱抚，我发现，你的激情对情人和对妓女都是一样的，没有区别。你恣意放纵自己的情欲，不加节制，不假思索地挥霍你的元气。你对我这个从交际场里带回来的女人是那么的温柔，那么优雅亲切而充满敬意;同时，你在享受女人方面又是如此的激情四溢;我陶醉在过去的幸福之中，又一次感觉到你本性上那独特的两重性，肉欲的沸腾中含着智慧与精神的激情，而这激情在当年就已使我这个小姑娘成了你的奴隶，对你百依百顺。我从来没有见过一个男人在温情爱抚之际这样贪图享受片刻的欢愉，这样纵情，将自己的内心深处展露无遗—而事后，一切都似如烟往事般散去了，全都飘到了遗忘的角落，忘得那么无影、那么彻底，无情得令人心痛。可在当时我也忘乎所以了:黑暗中躺在你身旁的这个我究竟是谁啊?是从前那个急切而炽烈的小姑娘吗?是你孩子的母亲或只是一个陌生的女人?啊，在这个激情之夜，一切是如此的亲切，如此的熟悉，而又是如此异乎寻常的新鲜。我祷告上苍，但愿这一夜能永远延续下去。

    But morning came. It was late when we rose, and you asked me to stay to breakfast. Over the tea, which an unseen hand had discreetly served in the dining—room，we talked quietly. As of old, you displayed a cordial frankness, and, as of old, there were no tactless questions, there was no curiosity about myself. You did not ask my name, nor where}lived. To you I was, as before, a casual adventure, a nameless woman，an ardent hour which leaves no trace when it is over. You told me that you were about to start on a long journey, that you were going to spend two or three months in Northern Africa. The words broke in upon my happiness like a knell: "Past, past, past and forgotten!" I longed to throw myself at your feet, crying，"Take me with you, that you may at length came to know me, at length after all these years!" But I was timid,cowardly,slavish,weak. All I could say was,"What a pity." You looked at me with a smile, "Are you really sorry?"

    可惜黎明终于还是到来了，我们起得很晚，你请我与你共进早餐。不知道是哪位侍者早已谨慎地摆好了餐室里的茶点，我们一起喝着茶，闲聊。你又用你那诚挚坦率、亲呢和善的态度跟我说话，绝不会提任何不适宜的问题，也绝不探问关于我个人的任何情况。你没有问我姓谁名谁，也没有问我家住何处:对你来说，我不过只是又一次艳遇罢了，一个无名的女人，一段热情的燃烧，最后在遗忘的烟雾中消失得无影无踪。你告诉我说，你现在又要出远门，到北非呆两三个月;我在幸福之中又战栗起来，因为我的耳边又轰轰地响起这样的声音:完了，完了，他忘记了!我恨不得扑倒在你的脚下，大喊道:“带我一起走吧，这样你最终会认出我来的，过了这么多年，你终于会认出我是谁!”可我在你面前是如此羞怯、胆小，奴性十足，性格十分懦弱。我只能说一句:“多遗憾啊!”你微笑地望着我说:“你真的觉得遗憾吗?”

    For a moment l was as if frenzied. I stood up and looked at you fixedly. Then I said, "The man I love has always gone on a journey." I looked you straight in the eyes. "Now, now," I thought, "now he will recognise me!" You only smiled, and said consolingly, "One comes back after a time." I answered，"Yes, one comes back, but one has forgotten by then."

    此时一股突发的力量怂恿了我。我站起身来，久久地、聚精会神地盯着你看。然后我说道:“我曾爱的那个男人也跟你一样，总是去旅行。”我凝视着你。“现在，现在他就要认出我来了!”可是你微笑着，安慰我说“他会回来的。”“是的，”我回答道，“会回来的，可是回来就什么都忘了。”

    I must have spoken with strong feeling, for my tone moved you. You, too, rose, and looked at me wonderingly and tenderly. You put your hands on my shoulders，"Good things are not forgotten，and I shall not forget you." Your eyes studied me attentively, as if you wished to form an enduring image of me in your mind. When I felt this penetrating glance，this exploration of my whole being,[could not but fancy that the spell of your blindness would at last be broken. "He will recognise me! He will recognise me!”My soul trembled with expectation.

    我说话的腔调一定有一些特殊，一定有些激烈的东西蕴藏其中。因为你也站了起来，盯着我，那神情不胜惊讶，但又满怀关切。你抓住我的双肩，说道:“美好的东西是不会被遗忘的，我永远不会忘记你。”说着，你的目光直穿入我的内心深处，仿佛是想把我的样子牢牢地印在脑海中似的。我感到这道目光一直穿透我的身体，在里面探索、感觉、吮吸着我整个生命，这时我相信，盲人重见光明。他就要认出我来了，他就要认出我来了!这个念头撼动了我的整个灵魂。

    But you did not recognise me. No, you did not recognise me. Never had I been more of a stranger to you than I was at that moment, for had it been otherwise you could not possibly have done what you did a few minutes later. You had kissed me again, had kissed me passionately. My hair had been ruffled，and I had to tidy it once more. Standing at the glass, I saw in it—and as I saw, I was overcome with shame and horror—that you were surreptitiously slipping a couple of banknotes into my muff. I could hardly refrain from crying out; I could hardly refrain from slapping your face. You were paying me for the night I had spent with you, me who had loved you since childhood，me the mother of your son. To you I was only a prostitute picked up at a dancing-hall. It was not enough that you should forget me, you had to pay me, and to debase me by doing so.

    可是，你没有认出我来。没有，你根本没有认出我来。对你来说，我从来也没有像此刻这么陌生，要不然—你绝不会做出几分钟之后做的事情。你吻了我，又一次热情的狂吻。头发都给弄乱了，我只好再梳理一下，我刚好站在镜子前面，从镜子里我看到—我简直又惊讶又羞愧，几乎要跌倒在地上—我看到你正在非常小心地将几张大钞票塞进我的暖手筒。此时此刻，在这种境况下，我怎么会没有惊叫起来呢，怎么会没有扇你一个耳光呢!我从小就爱你，并且是你儿子的母亲，可你却为我们的这一夜付钱!对你来说，我只不过是交际场上的一个妓女，仅此而已。你竟然付钱给我!被你遗忘还不够，居然还受到这样的侮辱。

    I hastily gathered up my belongings, that I might escape as quickly as possible;the pain was too great. I looked round for my hat. There it was, on the writing-table, beside the vase with the white roses, my roses. I had an irresistible desire to make a last effort to awaken your memory. "Will you give me one of your white roses?" "Of course,"you answered, lifting them all out of the vase. "But perhaps they were given you by a woman, a woman who loves you?" "Maybe," you replied, "I don't know. They were a present, but I don't know who sent them, that's why I'm so fond of them." I looked at you intently: "Perhaps they were sent you by a woman whom you have forgotten!" You were surprised. I looked at you yet more intently. "Recognise me, only recognise me at last!" was the clamour of my eyes. But your smile, though cordial, had no recognition in it. You kissed me yet again, but you did not recognise me.

    我急忙收拾好东西，我要走，马上离开。我的心都伤透了。我抓起搁在书桌上的帽子，它旁边就是那只插着白玫瑰、插着我的玫瑰的花瓶。突然我心里又产生一个强烈而无法抗拒的愿望，我想再次尝试来唤醒你的记忆:“你愿意送我一朵你的白玫瑰吗?”“非常乐意。”你说着马上就抽出一朵。“可这些花也许是一个女人、一个爱你的女人送给你的吧?”我说道。“也许吧，”你说，“我也不知道，是别人送我的，我不清楚是谁送的;正因为如此我才这么喜欢这些花。”我盯着你看。“没准儿也是一个被你遗忘的女人送来的!”当时你脸上露出一副惊愕的神情。我仍目不转睛地盯着你:“认出我来，快认出我来吧!”我的目光在呐喊着。可是你的眼睛微笑着，亲切但却一无所知。你又吻了我一下，可是你仍旧没认出我来。

    I hurried away, for my eyes were filling with tears，and I did not want you to see. In the entry, as I precipitated myself from the room，I almost cannoned into John，your servant.Embarrassed but zealous，he got out of my way, and opened the front door for me. Then, in this fugitive instant, as I looked at him through my tears, a light suddenly flooded the old man's face. In this fugitive instant, I tell you, he recognised me, the man who had never seen me since my childhood. I was so grateful，that I could have kneeled before him and kissed his hands. I tore from my muff the banknotes with which you had scourged me, and thrust them upon him. He glanced at me in alarm—for in this instant l think he understood more of me than you have understood in your whole life. Everyone，everyone，has been eager to spoil me; everyone has loaded me with kindness. But  you, only you, forgot me. You，only you, never recognised me.

    我疾步走向门口，因为我的眼泪马上就要夺眶而出，可我不能让你看见。我急忙冲了出去，很急。在前屋我几乎和你的仆人约翰撞了个满怀。他胆怯地，连忙躲到一边，一把拉开了走廊门，让我出去。就在这一秒钟里，你听见了吗?就在我正噙着眼泪与这位面容枯搞的老人正面相觑的一刹那，他的眼睛突然一亮，就在这一秒钟，你听见了吗?就在这一瞬间老人认出了我，尽管他从我童年时代起就没再见过我了。他认出了我，我恨不得跪倒在他面前，亲吻他的双手。我只是把你用来打发我的钞票从暖手筒里掏出来，塞到了他的手里。他哆嗦着，惊慌而诧异地看着我—在这一瞬间，他对我的了解比你这一辈子对我的了解还要多。所有的人都娇纵我，宠爱我，大家对我都很好—只有你，只有你把我忘得一干二净，只有你从来没认出我来!

作者介绍:
    斯蒂芬·茨威格(1881-1942)，奥地利著名作家、小说家、传记作家。他善于运用各种体裁，写过诗、小说、戏剧、文论、传记，还从事过文学翻译。他在诗、小说、戏剧和人物传记等写作方面均有过人的造诣，但他的作品中尤以小说和人物传记最为著称。其代表作有小说《最初的经历》、《马来狂人》、《恐惧》、《感觉的混乱》、《人的命运转折点》《一个陌生女人的来信》等;回忆录《昨日的世界》;传记《异端的权利》、《麦哲伦航海纪》、《断头王后》、《人类群星闪耀的时刻》等。

    《一个陌生女人的来信》是一个对爱情忠贞不贰的痴情少女的绝笔。一个十三岁的少女喜欢上了她的邻居—一个青年作家，而她由于母亲的再婚不得不离开这里。五年后她重返维也纳，每天到他窗下等候，一心只想委身于他。直到他俩的爱情结晶得病夭折，她自己也身患重病即将辞世，才写下这封没有具名的长信。