JOHN: Very funny, that business with Mr Gusper. Real strange! Ah-ha, there's a supermarket over there; I've got nothing for supper. No one will mind if I park here, will they?

JOHN: Have you got frozen beefburgers and frozen french fries?

STOREKEEPER:Yes.

JOHN: And do you sell mustard?

STOREKEEPER: Yes.

JOHN: Great! Well, can I have four beefburgers, half a pound of french fries and a jar of mustard, please?

STOREKEEPER: This is a self-service store, sir. Go get it yourself. The frozen foods are in the freezer over there, and the mustard is on the top shelf at the back.

JOHN: What was that! Hey, that was my car; it's just blown up!

STOREKEEPER: An American car, was it?

JOHN: No, it was Japanese.

STOREKEEPER: That's surprising; they're usually very reliable.

JOHN: This is terrible! What am I going to do?

STOREKEEPER: You'll have to travel by public transportation, I guess. Were you insured?

JOHN: Insured? Er... yes, of course.

STOREKEEPER: Then you've got nothing to worry about. Just report it to the police.

JOHN: Right. Is there a police station near here?

STOREKEEPER: It’s half a mile down the road, more or less.

DETECTIVE-INSPECTOR MORRIS: Can I help you?

JOHN: Yes, thank you. I want to report the loss of my car.

MORRIS: The loss of your car? How exactly does one go about losing a car?

JOHN: Well, no, I mean -

MORRIS: Presumably you mean it was stolen. Let me get out the form: “Theft of a private motor vehicle”.

MORRIS: What make of car was it, and what was its year of manufacture?

JOHN: It was a 1991 Seppuku, sir. The thing is, -

MORRIS: A 1991 Seppuku. Which model?

JOHN: A Kretina 1300, but -

MORRIS: A Kretina 1300. And what was the number on the plate?

JOHN: VER1 BER1. But -

MORRIS: VER1 BER1. Now...

JOHN: Look, I'm sorry, but it wasn't stolen; it was blown up!

MORRIS: What do you mean - blown up?

JOHN: It sort of went: varoomph-gosh!

MORRIS: I see, we've got a comedian here. So why would anyone want to blow up your car? Are you in trouble with a gang, or something like that?

JOHN: No, no, really! Look, I'm very sorry, I was in a hurry and I left the car in a no parking zone. Do you think that might have been why it happened?

MORRIS: I can't quite make up my mind whether you're a time-waster or a trouble-maker, or both. I think you'd better come with me.

JOHN: What? Why?

MORRIS: I am arresting you for - let me think... causing a public danger, stopping a police officer from carrying out his duty, and using bad language in a public place.

JOHN: You can't do that! It wasn't my fault! It's not fair! What about the insurance? Hey, I've got these frozen hamburgers, they’ll go bad!

ROGER: Hello, Peter Le Morg speaking.

HIT-MAN: Hello, Mr Le Morg. Bad news, I'm afraid.

ROGER: What? Didn't you get him?

HIT-MAN: No, I’m sorry. By the time the bomb went off he was already in his hotel. Do you want me to try again?

ROGER: No, fool! I'll have to deal with him myself.